Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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