My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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