so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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