Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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