Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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