everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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