Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
