All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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