i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
