i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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