Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
