You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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