Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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