I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize