I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
