she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
