Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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