Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
