You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
