do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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