HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
