Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
