My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
