uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
