Cold hands, warm shart.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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