he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
