My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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