I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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