Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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