i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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