For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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