I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
