RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
