we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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