areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
