Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
