I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
