Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
