I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
