Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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