her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
