yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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