i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
