Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
