Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize