I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
