a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
