there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
