You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
