it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
