trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
