it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
