Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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