i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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