Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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