Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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