i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
