You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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