If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
