He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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